SIGH.

It’s so annoying. No matter how we set standards and live by these, we only know when it is good or bad once it is done. We can say that a candy looks sweet and it most definitely is sweet since someone told us that the candy of that kind is sweet. But always, always, there is a possibility that the candy that we are about to taste is an exception or one of the many unannounced damaged/wrongly-prepared ones.

The ads tell us that while smoking relaxes our thoughts, it may damage our brains as well. So we are frightened and decide not to die with a damaged brain. Therefore, we live a smoke-free life, at least a first-hand-smoke-free life. And it calms us with the thought of dying of brain ache. But our neighbor, who lives a clean life as we do (at least when it comes to smoking), dies in her sleep. It probably doesn’t hurt to die while sleeping or sleep while dying. It probably is not as painful as dying of brain ache brought by smoking. But the effect is one and the same—death. So we begin to entertain the thought of sharing bliss with a stick of smoke and later we develop some illness, which puts an end to our could-have-been-longer life. The doctor tells us our lungs are not lungs anymore. Then boogsh, it’s not with the brains after all.

Do you realize that it was not your choice to be born? And believe me, even those who killed themselves, it wasn’t really their choice to die as well. So between birth and death, go choose and choose while you can.




We were so happy Wednesday night, Meng and I. The semester finally ended. We were able to present our communication plans, which were most tedious among the things we had to do this sem. Well, at least next to the top reason of our celebration—thesis. We had pizza and ice-cream and all the happiness in the world. No more worries for what topic to search about to convince people, who talk as if they know everything when in fact, the only thing that makes them better is experience, which sadly, is not an ONLY. I hope you get what I mean.

Meng was in black, I in white. We walked around the city as though we were tourists randomly picking spots to stay moments at. We talked of things that were beautiful. Everything felt light, blissful.

We went home and slept. Meng got up early in the morning to prepare for her trip back home. She was on for a three-hour ride to be with her patiently waiting family. It had been 30+ days since she last came home. The last month of the semester paved no way for her to have time to travel and stay even for a day with her family.

At 8am, she left our house and went her way. Excitement outshined her aura and one would never have any reason to ask why. So off she went.

I didn’t hear from her for a day. I thought she must have been busy making up for the things she missed, like the recent family outing she was invited, of course, but never got to join because of the pending thesis.

Came Friday morning. I got a missed call from a familiar number. It was too late when I got hold of my phone, the ringing already stopped. Then I got a message.

Peach, wala na akong mama. –Meng

Then another message came.

Peach, heard about meng’s mom? What happened?! –Jez

Feeling really weird about the situation, not knowing how to talk to Meng, I risked dialing her number.

Meng?
Peach wala na si Mama…
Hui. What happened? Meng…
Nung Wednesday pa siya nasa hospital. They didn’t tell me kasi nga nagtethesis tayo. When I arrived Thursday, she was in coma. She died this morning.
My. Hala. Meng. Why. Hay.
Grabe, Peach. We had not talked for a month! Grabe jud.

I can’t remember what else we talked about but it was definitely sad. My heart felt like it was stabbed. There wasn’t a single clue that she would leave her family soon. Meng’s mom was definitely healthy until that Wednesday afternoon when she felt really excruciating headache. And that was it. She died at first strike. How mean could that be!

But like Jez told me this afternoon, He has plans for us. Most are beautiful, and a few we have to understand.

Bless her soul, Papa Jesus. She was a wonderful mom, a selfless sister. And bless those she left here. Thanks.