ive decided. im gonna manage my life in a well-managed way now. haha. thats the last of it, promise.
mom was playing old songs this morning and theres this line "kay ganda ng buhay" --or something like it-- which brought about this sudden change in management.
dang that.
SERIOUSLY NOW.
ive been thinking a lot lately. hmm. and ive come up with one interesting conclusion (at least for me it is). IM GOING TO BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT.
in line with that new mantra, im going to make some changes in my blog (this one). it's going to look more lovely, happier.
SO HELP ME GOD.
seriously.
Sunday
Thursday
SHRUGS.
you shouldn't have said IT a year ago.you shouldn't have given me the idea that's crippling my mind now.IT seems stupid now, but it wasn't for me then.i was so stupid to expect that IT could be possible.i should have known back then that nothing will happen.now, look at me.i don't even know myself.but thanks, anyway.because of you, i've learned so many things.so many things...you just don't have an idea how IT made me discover things..about myself, the people around me, about everything -- almost!but, still, i get lost whenever i find myself alone in my own self.hehe..ngano bitaw naingon to nimu ngit? heheIT still puzzles me..especially now that you've reminded me of IT last last week..*sigh*sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes...wala lang..thinking that it could happen...one day.with that one spark that you saw, which i didn't.with every single word you say about what you think about IT,it tickles me inside...but, like what i always do, i just don't let you knowthat i take all the pleasures alone, kept inside me.even the pain, all kept inside. even though in tears, i don't tell.however, as this becomes a hobby...intertwined with my system, a part of me,i feel benumbed. no. i'm benumbed. how do i know? i don't know.it must have hurt so much when i can't feel anything anymore.
THATS A BLOG ENTRY OF A FRIEND I ALWAYS HAVE FUN TALKING WITH ANYTIME OF THE YEAR. WE'RE CLASSMATES FOR FOUR YEARS NOW AND WE ARE ROWMATES IN OUR PSYCH CLASS THIS SEMESTER. MY SEATMATE WAS NOT AROUND YESTERDAY. SO, SHE WAS MY UNOFFICIAL SEATMATE FOR THE DAY.
I WAS DOODLING ON HER NOTES, WRITING ALL THE LINES I COULD THINK OF THEN BOOM!, SHE STARTED REACTING BY SENDING ME NOTES ASKING ME THINGS. THEN SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS THING I TOLD HER A YEAR AGO (WHICH I COULD REMEMBER AND SHE WOULDNT REMIND ME OF). SO THERE. AND LAST NIGHT, SHE WROTE THIS BLOG SHE DEDICATED FOR ME (SHE LEFT A MESSAGE ON MY PAGE TO TELL ME SO).
AFTER READING, I THINK I SHOULD STOP TELLING PEOPLE ANYTHING, EH? HAHAHA.
MAYBE I SHOULD REALLY THINK FIRST BEFORE I SPEAK. OR. PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN. THEY SHOULD STOP LISTENING TO ME. ARGH.
THATS A BLOG ENTRY OF A FRIEND I ALWAYS HAVE FUN TALKING WITH ANYTIME OF THE YEAR. WE'RE CLASSMATES FOR FOUR YEARS NOW AND WE ARE ROWMATES IN OUR PSYCH CLASS THIS SEMESTER. MY SEATMATE WAS NOT AROUND YESTERDAY. SO, SHE WAS MY UNOFFICIAL SEATMATE FOR THE DAY.
I WAS DOODLING ON HER NOTES, WRITING ALL THE LINES I COULD THINK OF THEN BOOM!, SHE STARTED REACTING BY SENDING ME NOTES ASKING ME THINGS. THEN SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS THING I TOLD HER A YEAR AGO (WHICH I COULD REMEMBER AND SHE WOULDNT REMIND ME OF). SO THERE. AND LAST NIGHT, SHE WROTE THIS BLOG SHE DEDICATED FOR ME (SHE LEFT A MESSAGE ON MY PAGE TO TELL ME SO).
AFTER READING, I THINK I SHOULD STOP TELLING PEOPLE ANYTHING, EH? HAHAHA.
MAYBE I SHOULD REALLY THINK FIRST BEFORE I SPEAK. OR. PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN. THEY SHOULD STOP LISTENING TO ME. ARGH.
Friday
I DONT GIGGLE.
I HOPE THIS HELPS.
my thesis sucks. big time. and it's not like me. im not bragging (definitely. this is no time, no right, no anything for this) but this is not how i do things, usually.
i remember when i talked to a classmate about how i couldnt believe my output in the past weeks and got a quite unusual reply. the normal conversation of a peaches whining about something to a classmate would go like this:
Pitch: I cannot do it anymore. Im not fit for this university and its standards.
Classmate (anyone, really): Yeah, right. As if there's anything you cannot do something about. Shut up.
usually, thats how it goes. but that particular talk with ngit2x was quite different. was something like:
Pitch: I feel so useless. I want to cry but cant. I want to change the topic of my thesis yet I have nothing to start with. I think I lost my powers, huh.
Ngit: I think, too. You're not yourself these days. I know you. You can write a promising proposal in a day but I dont see it now. Why?
Pitch: I wish I knew. They say it's only in the mind. I think I lost mine.
i dont really intend to win the 'best thesis'. but i want to have a decent thing to work on. i have studied for three years and in those years i managed to live a peaceful life when it comes to school stuff. although i know that the professors are not really expecting anything big from me, i know too that ending with a mediocre piece of crap will hurt them.
i miss those days when i get As for overnight papers. those days when i arrive at school with the thing due on the day and when someone needs help, she knows she can always come to me. i miss those days when i can say 'you can do everything with peaches' and people believe and true enough, we get things done.
but today, it feels so frustrating. i cant even write a so-so introduction. my work is so poor. one comment on my paper says: The reason for your topic is so mababaw. Or perhaps the writing of this paper is the problem.
HOW DO I ADDRESS THAT. i cant even assess myself objectively. OBJECTIVELY? now that sounds like a trying-hard-wanna-be-smart-sounding moron.
WOW.
i wont sell.
my thesis sucks. big time. and it's not like me. im not bragging (definitely. this is no time, no right, no anything for this) but this is not how i do things, usually.
i remember when i talked to a classmate about how i couldnt believe my output in the past weeks and got a quite unusual reply. the normal conversation of a peaches whining about something to a classmate would go like this:
Pitch: I cannot do it anymore. Im not fit for this university and its standards.
Classmate (anyone, really): Yeah, right. As if there's anything you cannot do something about. Shut up.
usually, thats how it goes. but that particular talk with ngit2x was quite different. was something like:
Pitch: I feel so useless. I want to cry but cant. I want to change the topic of my thesis yet I have nothing to start with. I think I lost my powers, huh.
Ngit: I think, too. You're not yourself these days. I know you. You can write a promising proposal in a day but I dont see it now. Why?
Pitch: I wish I knew. They say it's only in the mind. I think I lost mine.
i dont really intend to win the 'best thesis'. but i want to have a decent thing to work on. i have studied for three years and in those years i managed to live a peaceful life when it comes to school stuff. although i know that the professors are not really expecting anything big from me, i know too that ending with a mediocre piece of crap will hurt them.
i miss those days when i get As for overnight papers. those days when i arrive at school with the thing due on the day and when someone needs help, she knows she can always come to me. i miss those days when i can say 'you can do everything with peaches' and people believe and true enough, we get things done.
but today, it feels so frustrating. i cant even write a so-so introduction. my work is so poor. one comment on my paper says: The reason for your topic is so mababaw. Or perhaps the writing of this paper is the problem.
HOW DO I ADDRESS THAT. i cant even assess myself objectively. OBJECTIVELY? now that sounds like a trying-hard-wanna-be-smart-sounding moron.
WOW.
i wont sell.
Wednesday
IM SUDDENLY SADDENED.
talked with joahanna tonight. she was talking of her nothing-to-do-ness. on a break in singapore. away from family and friends of decade.
out-of-nowhere remembered laine. checked her friendster for updates. she looked happy in pics. under orange trees. ive never seen an orange tree. it's cold in the US, she said.
received a message from erich as soon as he came online. talked a little about snow and hiding celebrities. he works as an assisstant something at a carehouse blah. he cannot go to school yet. london is an expensive place.
I MISS MY FRIENDS. AND I AM SAD FOR THEM. WELL, THEY MAY BE HAPPY WITH THEIR LIVES ABROAD. BUT IT'S STILL SAD. I SWEAR I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW. HAHA. STUPID PEACHES.
i felt it when he said he feels pressured thinking we are graduating soon and he has yet to start college.
i wanted to jump and hug her when she talked of concerts and friends. i know she'd rather stay home.
i remember her telling me 'i do not like it here'.
I WISH I COULD PUT ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE IN ONE PLACE WITH THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE AND THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE LOVE. SO YEAH. IM GONNA HAVE TO BUILD ANOTHER WORLD, EH? =P
SERIOUSLY. I WANT ALL MY FRIENDS HAPPY. PLEASE, MAKE THEM HAPPY. Thanks.
out-of-nowhere remembered laine. checked her friendster for updates. she looked happy in pics. under orange trees. ive never seen an orange tree. it's cold in the US, she said.
received a message from erich as soon as he came online. talked a little about snow and hiding celebrities. he works as an assisstant something at a carehouse blah. he cannot go to school yet. london is an expensive place.
I MISS MY FRIENDS. AND I AM SAD FOR THEM. WELL, THEY MAY BE HAPPY WITH THEIR LIVES ABROAD. BUT IT'S STILL SAD. I SWEAR I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW. HAHA. STUPID PEACHES.
i felt it when he said he feels pressured thinking we are graduating soon and he has yet to start college.
i wanted to jump and hug her when she talked of concerts and friends. i know she'd rather stay home.
i remember her telling me 'i do not like it here'.
I WISH I COULD PUT ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE IN ONE PLACE WITH THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE AND THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE LOVE. SO YEAH. IM GONNA HAVE TO BUILD ANOTHER WORLD, EH? =P
SERIOUSLY. I WANT ALL MY FRIENDS HAPPY. PLEASE, MAKE THEM HAPPY. Thanks.
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