It’s so annoying. No matter how we set standards and live by these, we only know when it is good or bad once it is done. We can say that a candy looks sweet and it most definitely is sweet since someone told us that the candy of that kind is sweet. But always, always, there is a possibility that the candy that we are about to taste is an exception or one of the many unannounced damaged/wrongly-prepared ones.
The ads tell us that while smoking relaxes our thoughts, it may damage our brains as well. So we are frightened and decide not to die with a damaged brain. Therefore, we live a smoke-free life, at least a first-hand-smoke-free life. And it calms us with the thought of dying of brain ache. But our neighbor, who lives a clean life as we do (at least when it comes to smoking), dies in her sleep. It probably doesn’t hurt to die while sleeping or sleep while dying. It probably is not as painful as dying of brain ache brought by smoking. But the effect is one and the same—death. So we begin to entertain the thought of sharing bliss with a stick of smoke and later we develop some illness, which puts an end to our could-have-been-longer life. The doctor tells us our lungs are not lungs anymore. Then boogsh, it’s not with the brains after all.
Do you realize that it was not your choice to be born? And believe me, even those who killed themselves, it wasn’t really their choice to die as well. So between birth and death, go choose and choose while you can.
We were so happy Wednesday night, Meng and I. The semester finally ended. We were able to present our communication plans, which were most tedious among the things we had to do this sem. Well, at least next to the top reason of our celebration—thesis. We had pizza and ice-cream and all the happiness in the world. No more worries for what topic to search about to convince people, who talk as if they know everything when in fact, the only thing that makes them better is experience, which sadly, is not an ONLY. I hope you get what I mean.
Meng was in black, I in white. We walked around the city as though we were tourists randomly picking spots to stay moments at. We talked of things that were beautiful. Everything felt light, blissful.
We went home and slept. Meng got up early in the morning to prepare for her trip back home. She was on for a three-hour ride to be with her patiently waiting family. It had been 30+ days since she last came home. The last month of the semester paved no way for her to have time to travel and stay even for a day with her family.
At 8am, she left our house and went her way. Excitement outshined her aura and one would never have any reason to ask why. So off she went.
I didn’t hear from her for a day. I thought she must have been busy making up for the things she missed, like the recent family outing she was invited, of course, but never got to join because of the pending thesis.
Came Friday morning. I got a missed call from a familiar number. It was too late when I got hold of my phone, the ringing already stopped. Then I got a message.
Peach, wala na akong mama. –Meng
Then another message came.
Peach, heard about meng’s mom? What happened?! –Jez
Feeling really weird about the situation, not knowing how to talk to Meng, I risked dialing her number.
Meng?
Peach wala na si Mama…
Hui. What happened? Meng…
Nung Wednesday pa siya nasa hospital. They didn’t tell me kasi nga nagtethesis tayo. When I arrived Thursday, she was in coma. She died this morning.
My. Hala. Meng. Why. Hay.
Grabe, Peach. We had not talked for a month! Grabe jud.
I can’t remember what else we talked about but it was definitely sad. My heart felt like it was stabbed. There wasn’t a single clue that she would leave her family soon. Meng’s mom was definitely healthy until that Wednesday afternoon when she felt really excruciating headache. And that was it. She died at first strike. How mean could that be!
But like Jez told me this afternoon, He has plans for us. Most are beautiful, and a few we have to understand.
Bless her soul, Papa Jesus. She was a wonderful mom, a selfless sister. And bless those she left here. Thanks.
Saturday
Tuesday
ZIGANDI.
like unicorns, mermaids and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow,
you are to me.
life would go on without you,
no doubt about this.
but as sure as i can have my hair cut today,
without you,
life--the rainbow and the sea--
would lose its magic.
--his letter to her, dated summer of a magical year.
i dont know where to start writing. i havent told anyone about anything for weeks. meaning, everything's bottled up inside and woot, it's about time, since the break has already broken, that i pour everything out and let the people get drunk with a dose of my nonsense.
it's such a nice feeling to wake up on a call. a call that demands of nothing from you but your voice. ever got the feeling of pure happiness just because of someone's silence? a silence you know brought by a smile. a smile that you do not even see.
THE BEST SMILE I'D EVER SEEN WAS THAT THAT WAS SEEN THROUGH MY HEART. thanks for last night.
anyway. THATS ABOUT IT. =D
moving on.
the semester has finally ended. i so wanted to party last night. to celebrate. but once i reached downtown, i figured there was nothing to celebrate. YET. the mere end of the semester should not be considered enough reason to splurge. the grades are yet unknown. although i believe i wont fail any of my wonderfool courses this late sem, i have to confirm my belief. AMPANGET NG PARAGRAPH NA TO.
the first three days of this week, YES WE START COUNTING ON SUNDAY, were really painful. anyone in the block barely had sleep. i myself the tulog queen was kept awake for at least forty hours, i estimate. papers and projects were just too many to let pass a night sleeping. it was the time in my life when i was forced to believe that sleeping could actually wait. it's always been my priority, people know. tagadeng.
but i have to move on. the semester is over. let the partee begin.
before anything else though, let me rant here the things i failed to tell my beloved professors. such a sad sad thing.
to MAAM AYSON.
it was a blessing to be part of your class. we decided to take your subject because it fitted out schedule. perfect. but when the class started, and we had our first exam, which was really really long, you had once again proven that a good schedule is nothing else but that.
anyway, i learned about pons and what it is for. =D and thanks about last monday. YUNG IBA SIGURO. PERO IKAW, HINDI KA BABAGSAK. no one in our school had ever given me such reassuring words. BUT, DO YOU KNOW ME? hahahaha. im scared you mistook me for blah, she who's totally good in your class. anyway, you wont fail anyone of us, right?
to MAAM JENI
it's been two years already. four consecutive semesters. four consecutive painful semesters, to be specific. since i became your student, you my mentor. i know you know that you are not like any other professor to me, to us. you are quite tough. you are like a walking tarpaulin that says: HEY, I AM THE STANDARD. LIVE BY MY CODES.
you made me feel bad many times, to be straight about this (since i know you wont reach this page. haha). but i guess, it's a two-way communication. my pain reached you. and since i decide, you were affected. we have one more semester to send messages across. please, no more stabbing words? =)
i believe i would have learned more. had i not learned to hate your way first. WHICH IS TOO IMMATURE, I KNOW. anyway, im glad you are secured of who you are. because i am not, about you.
our last semester will be fruitful, i swear to the tallest of the trees.
to SIR VAL
you are such a racist!!! the funniest though, i must say. you are the cutest professor ever. not a joseph albert fedillano, in the middle of the woods, can ever, ever take your place. hahaha. i wish all students would get to spend a semester with you.
many times had our social science class felt more of a showbiz119. you were too nice, not wanting to hurt anyone, that you actually welcomed all thoughts. even when we were talking of the 17th century and roch would go: "diba sir it's where KC spent her summer..blah blah," it was totally fine with you. you would even add, "ive been there myself. such a nice place."
you are the coolest human being with a beard. and i, we, love you for that. woot.
to SIR QUIZ
of course, you too are cute. youre not next, but in the same level with sir val. the two of you are the cutest. hahaha. everytime i am in your class, i imagine myself being a student of buscaglia's. as though it was a love course i was enrolled in. AYAN KA NA NAMAN, PURIRING KA TALAGA. ANONG GINAWA MO KAGABI, HA? nothing beats your green personality, which you never tried to keep. BWAHAHA.
and woot, thanks for the "MISS, TEN COPIES. POLYCHROMATIC PRINTS." i cant wait to make use of the line. i even consider marrying an artist. just so i can spend my life using all the terms you've introduced.
DIBA RICH KID KA, LIBRE NAMAN JAN. you are such a joke. a very big joke. i'll always laugh about everytime i hear. =P
to SIR NINO
well. what can i say. i know you are good. you probably are the richest, when we count in neurons, in the department. hmm. let's just say we wish you were more punctual in our class. hehehe. I STILL NEED TO LEARN HOW TO REALLY WRITE. and you know that. go do something. hahaha.
LIFE IS NOT A RAINBOW THAT ENDS WITH A POT OF GOLD. BUT LIKE THE RAINBOW, IT IS COLORFUL EVEN WITHOUT THE MAGIC. IT HAS NINE COLORS. EVEN MORE COLORFUL. MUAH.
you are to me.
life would go on without you,
no doubt about this.
but as sure as i can have my hair cut today,
without you,
life--the rainbow and the sea--
would lose its magic.
--his letter to her, dated summer of a magical year.
i dont know where to start writing. i havent told anyone about anything for weeks. meaning, everything's bottled up inside and woot, it's about time, since the break has already broken, that i pour everything out and let the people get drunk with a dose of my nonsense.
it's such a nice feeling to wake up on a call. a call that demands of nothing from you but your voice. ever got the feeling of pure happiness just because of someone's silence? a silence you know brought by a smile. a smile that you do not even see.
THE BEST SMILE I'D EVER SEEN WAS THAT THAT WAS SEEN THROUGH MY HEART. thanks for last night.
anyway. THATS ABOUT IT. =D
moving on.
the semester has finally ended. i so wanted to party last night. to celebrate. but once i reached downtown, i figured there was nothing to celebrate. YET. the mere end of the semester should not be considered enough reason to splurge. the grades are yet unknown. although i believe i wont fail any of my wonderfool courses this late sem, i have to confirm my belief. AMPANGET NG PARAGRAPH NA TO.
the first three days of this week, YES WE START COUNTING ON SUNDAY, were really painful. anyone in the block barely had sleep. i myself the tulog queen was kept awake for at least forty hours, i estimate. papers and projects were just too many to let pass a night sleeping. it was the time in my life when i was forced to believe that sleeping could actually wait. it's always been my priority, people know. tagadeng.
but i have to move on. the semester is over. let the partee begin.
before anything else though, let me rant here the things i failed to tell my beloved professors. such a sad sad thing.
to MAAM AYSON.
it was a blessing to be part of your class. we decided to take your subject because it fitted out schedule. perfect. but when the class started, and we had our first exam, which was really really long, you had once again proven that a good schedule is nothing else but that.
anyway, i learned about pons and what it is for. =D and thanks about last monday. YUNG IBA SIGURO. PERO IKAW, HINDI KA BABAGSAK. no one in our school had ever given me such reassuring words. BUT, DO YOU KNOW ME? hahahaha. im scared you mistook me for blah, she who's totally good in your class. anyway, you wont fail anyone of us, right?
to MAAM JENI
it's been two years already. four consecutive semesters. four consecutive painful semesters, to be specific. since i became your student, you my mentor. i know you know that you are not like any other professor to me, to us. you are quite tough. you are like a walking tarpaulin that says: HEY, I AM THE STANDARD. LIVE BY MY CODES.
you made me feel bad many times, to be straight about this (since i know you wont reach this page. haha). but i guess, it's a two-way communication. my pain reached you. and since i decide, you were affected. we have one more semester to send messages across. please, no more stabbing words? =)
i believe i would have learned more. had i not learned to hate your way first. WHICH IS TOO IMMATURE, I KNOW. anyway, im glad you are secured of who you are. because i am not, about you.
our last semester will be fruitful, i swear to the tallest of the trees.
to SIR VAL
you are such a racist!!! the funniest though, i must say. you are the cutest professor ever. not a joseph albert fedillano, in the middle of the woods, can ever, ever take your place. hahaha. i wish all students would get to spend a semester with you.
many times had our social science class felt more of a showbiz119. you were too nice, not wanting to hurt anyone, that you actually welcomed all thoughts. even when we were talking of the 17th century and roch would go: "diba sir it's where KC spent her summer..blah blah," it was totally fine with you. you would even add, "ive been there myself. such a nice place."
you are the coolest human being with a beard. and i, we, love you for that. woot.
to SIR QUIZ
of course, you too are cute. youre not next, but in the same level with sir val. the two of you are the cutest. hahaha. everytime i am in your class, i imagine myself being a student of buscaglia's. as though it was a love course i was enrolled in. AYAN KA NA NAMAN, PURIRING KA TALAGA. ANONG GINAWA MO KAGABI, HA? nothing beats your green personality, which you never tried to keep. BWAHAHA.
and woot, thanks for the "MISS, TEN COPIES. POLYCHROMATIC PRINTS." i cant wait to make use of the line. i even consider marrying an artist. just so i can spend my life using all the terms you've introduced.
DIBA RICH KID KA, LIBRE NAMAN JAN. you are such a joke. a very big joke. i'll always laugh about everytime i hear. =P
to SIR NINO
well. what can i say. i know you are good. you probably are the richest, when we count in neurons, in the department. hmm. let's just say we wish you were more punctual in our class. hehehe. I STILL NEED TO LEARN HOW TO REALLY WRITE. and you know that. go do something. hahaha.
LIFE IS NOT A RAINBOW THAT ENDS WITH A POT OF GOLD. BUT LIKE THE RAINBOW, IT IS COLORFUL EVEN WITHOUT THE MAGIC. IT HAS NINE COLORS. EVEN MORE COLORFUL. MUAH.
Wednesday
BABY.
someone told me:
KUNG HINDI MO KAYA, E DI WAG MONG GAWIN.
but i think,
GAWIN MO MUNA PARA MALAMAN MO NA KAYA MO PALA.
like what he keeps telling me,
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING ENOUGH, YOULL HAVE IT.
DIBA?
KUNG HINDI MO KAYA, E DI WAG MONG GAWIN.
but i think,
GAWIN MO MUNA PARA MALAMAN MO NA KAYA MO PALA.
like what he keeps telling me,
IF YOU WANT SOMETHING ENOUGH, YOULL HAVE IT.
DIBA?
Sunday
RANDOMNESS.
each pair of eyes has witnessed a beautiful story that lasts a lifetime.
beauty may be found in the ugly.
there is no ugly story, only rich.
IT'S OKAY TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER GETTING HURT, RIGHT?
even when it's with the same person.
beauty may be found in the ugly.
there is no ugly story, only rich.
IT'S OKAY TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER GETTING HURT, RIGHT?
even when it's with the same person.
OF WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING.
9AM. SEPTEMBER 28, 2008.
RM 213, CHSS BLDG, UPMIN.
In black, I presented my proposal.
And boom, I called friends to celebrate. Of course, no one came. My message wasnt delivered across. :P Nonetheless, the celebration pushed through. I bought myself a pair of pants and a red top. Happily, I strolled around the mall hopping from one shelf to another.
7PM. OCTOBER 5, 2008.
MOM'S ROOM, GRANI'S HOUSE, DC.
Colorfully, I do not know where to start. I have a number of revisions to do. Ive edited some parts. Yet many parts are left untouched. Still, I am in a good mood I can actually go shelf-hopping again. :P
THINGS HAVE BEEN WELL SINCE IVE GONE THROUGH THAT PART OF LIFE. YEHEY.
HERE'S WHAT IVE BEEN DOING:
*CONCERTS IN THE MORNING. wakes up and goes straight to the videoke player.
*BREAKFASTS AT JOBEE. LUNCHES AT CHOWKING. DINNERS AT HOME. (words are used as verbs. bleh.)
*PLAYS WITH KIDS IN THE AFTERNOON. ruth is contagious. sam is now as playful.
*BLOGS. ive been multiplying. and now this. wee.
*COMING BACK TO LIFE.
how about yourself? =)
RM 213, CHSS BLDG, UPMIN.
In black, I presented my proposal.
And boom, I called friends to celebrate. Of course, no one came. My message wasnt delivered across. :P Nonetheless, the celebration pushed through. I bought myself a pair of pants and a red top. Happily, I strolled around the mall hopping from one shelf to another.
7PM. OCTOBER 5, 2008.
MOM'S ROOM, GRANI'S HOUSE, DC.
Colorfully, I do not know where to start. I have a number of revisions to do. Ive edited some parts. Yet many parts are left untouched. Still, I am in a good mood I can actually go shelf-hopping again. :P
THINGS HAVE BEEN WELL SINCE IVE GONE THROUGH THAT PART OF LIFE. YEHEY.
HERE'S WHAT IVE BEEN DOING:
*CONCERTS IN THE MORNING. wakes up and goes straight to the videoke player.
*BREAKFASTS AT JOBEE. LUNCHES AT CHOWKING. DINNERS AT HOME. (words are used as verbs. bleh.)
*PLAYS WITH KIDS IN THE AFTERNOON. ruth is contagious. sam is now as playful.
*BLOGS. ive been multiplying. and now this. wee.
*COMING BACK TO LIFE.
how about yourself? =)
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