I DONT GIGGLE.

I HOPE THIS HELPS.

my thesis sucks. big time. and it's not like me. im not bragging (definitely. this is no time, no right, no anything for this) but this is not how i do things, usually.

i remember when i talked to a classmate about how i couldnt believe my output in the past weeks and got a quite unusual reply. the normal conversation of a peaches whining about something to a classmate would go like this:

Pitch: I cannot do it anymore. Im not fit for this university and its standards.

Classmate (anyone, really): Yeah, right. As if there's anything you cannot do something about. Shut up.

usually, thats how it goes. but that particular talk with ngit2x was quite different. was something like:

Pitch: I feel so useless. I want to cry but cant. I want to change the topic of my thesis yet I have nothing to start with. I think I lost my powers, huh.

Ngit: I think, too. You're not yourself these days. I know you. You can write a promising proposal in a day but I dont see it now. Why?

Pitch: I wish I knew. They say it's only in the mind. I think I lost mine.

i dont really intend to win the 'best thesis'. but i want to have a decent thing to work on. i have studied for three years and in those years i managed to live a peaceful life when it comes to school stuff. although i know that the professors are not really expecting anything big from me, i know too that ending with a mediocre piece of crap will hurt them.

i miss those days when i get As for overnight papers. those days when i arrive at school with the thing due on the day and when someone needs help, she knows she can always come to me. i miss those days when i can say 'you can do everything with peaches' and people believe and true enough, we get things done.

but today, it feels so frustrating. i cant even write a so-so introduction. my work is so poor. one comment on my paper says: The reason for your topic is so mababaw. Or perhaps the writing of this paper is the problem.

HOW DO I ADDRESS THAT. i cant even assess myself objectively. OBJECTIVELY? now that sounds like a trying-hard-wanna-be-smart-sounding moron.

WOW.

i wont sell.